Friday, June 7, 2013

Our Baby Boy

Dear John,

We should be meeting you today, but instead you are safe in heaven with Jesus.  Daddy and I are so happy that He is watching over you, but our arms ache to hold you.  I loved knowing that your due date was June 7th since that was my Grandma Swanson's birthday.  Even though I know you probably wouldn't have been born on this day, it's been special for me to think of the two of you sharing it together.  Since I was born on my Grandpa Swanson's birthday, I think that sort of thing has always meant something to me.

Heaven has seemed so much closer since I often think of you and your big sister, Hannah, there.  I am sure she's helping watch over you and I picture the two of you playing at Jesus' feet.  I wish you were playing at my feet instead, and no matter how much I know that you've been given an amazing gift of going straight to heaven and avoiding all the heartaches this earth brings, I still wish you were here.  I daily fight that struggle.

Maybe you could do your Mommy and Daddy a favor?  Could you talk to Jesus and ask Him to watch over us?  Sometimes we've had a hard time knowing what words to use when we talk to Him, and since you're right there, maybe you could ask Him to help us in our grief.  We hope that you get to have a brother or sister, one that gets to be here with us first, but we are trusting that His will is best in all circumstances.

We miss you every day, even though we haven't seen your face, and we love you so very, very, very much.

With love,
Mommy and Daddy

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am literally crying reading this. I know that you have been hurting from all that has happened in the past few years. I was able to see at Christmas how much you truly miss both of them. I am praying for you and I hope you know that you are not alone in all of this. There are so many people praying for you and there for you. I know deep in my heart that one day you will have a child and raise them to be an amazing human being. You are such a kind and caring person that I know would make an excellent mom because you have already shown me so much love as a step-mother. I know I am nothing in comparison to Hannah and Noah, but I hope that I can provide some of that love back to you that you show to everyone. I am so blessed to have you in my life especially going off to college next year. I know that you will always be thinking of me and praying for me for which I am grateful. In return, I will pray for you and think of you. I'll also be praying for Hannah and Noah. I think of them often and wonder what kind of people they would grow up to be. Don't become discouraged, but rather see it as God putting you through the hard times to reach the good. I'll always be here for you Kari. All my love, Micaela

Anonymous said...

My bad. I write a meaningful comment and I use Noah instead of John. Some big sister I am. ;) Nevertheless regardless of names, I think of him. The feeling is still there. -Micaela

Krista Koljonen said...

I am literally crying as well. June 7th? What a perfect number from our perfect Lord! Your wise-beyond-her-years stepdaughter is correct. MANY are praying for you. Grief is great. There's no denying that. May your Comforter continue to comfort you and Brent as only He knows how. Thank you for your honesty and willing to share. Love you, cousin. :-)

Kelcie said...

My heart aches for you and Brent, Kari. You are such an amazing woman with the most beautiful heart. Along with your sweet John and Hannah, I too will be praying and asking the Lord to give you the words. Love you!

Sheila said...

You know my heart shares your loss.

Anonymous said...

Oh Kari and Brent,
i am so sorry that you had to go through another loss. My heart is aching for you. Please know that you will be in my prayers. Kathy H

doug&margarethe said...

There is not much more to be said beyond what your dear step-daughter, Micaela, has said. Just know that many times a day when thinking and praying for you and Brent I also pray that God would allow you to have a child to hold and caress in your arms. Sometimes I have to even ask God how else should I ask the same question of Him to grant the request but then I am reminded His will and timing is perfect so I have to ask again , help me to trust YOU more. I love you both and know God loves you even more. Hannah and John are not forgotten as I wonder what they are doing in heaven too. Many hugs. Love, Mom

CJ Olson said...

OH Kari -

My heart just aches to give you a huge hug and just a long visit just to chat about life and be someone to listen to you. I wish that I could be around for you during this difficult time. I don't have answers and your sweet step daughter gave you such a sweet little note. We are praying for you and Brent...praying for your personal life, your time in seminary and then once you go and take a call. Praying for you through all these different transitions. HuGS and prayers.
Love you - Caristy

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Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to read this. I have also been married three years and we have been going through infertility. I haven't experienced a loss of pregnancy but after 2 failed IVF cycles, I know the heartache. You will be in my thoughts. The pain is so raw.

Wendy said...

God will bless you and your family , hope you will be better soon !

Wendy said...

God will bless you and your family , hope you will be better soon !

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